im getting everything off my chest….
My name is Jasmine. I’m 20 and I’m turning 21 this very summer! (yay!) I used to be a Seventh Day Adventist… I’m young, vibrant, funny, flirtatious, conceited and an eternal ray of sunshine to all my friends…i like to kiss boys, i love to dance, i drink to get drunk…and i’m the life of the party. But that’s who everybody else tells me I am. What do I think of myself? I’m a bitch, i love rock and indie music, i lie for no reason, i’m the biggest slut out of all my friends and up until recently thought that i didnt deserve one positive thing that happened to me in my life…i’m beyond consumed with what people think of me and it kills me inside.
I was raised pretty well-off with my aunt and uncle (same story about a young unwed, unfit mother)…and everyone thought that i would live a life that was better than theirs..and in some ways i did, and in other way i didn’t. left to raise myself…sometimes i don’t think that i did a really great job. And seeing that I live on my own now, because i got kicked out twice…i think i’m right..With no father figure or real mother-figure either, i was boy-crazy to my core. And always found myself with the wrong kind of guys…but when i love i love hard, and I always try to see the best in those who really don’t deserve second chances….
There was this one guy, the one who probably has impacted me for the rest of my life..good and bad…from the moment i saw him i just knew that he was going to change my life, i thought that it meant that I was going to spend the rest of my life with him, and that we were meant to be….i was wrong. Love made me soo blind and slowly but surely it stole my life away and left me with no friends, no family and nothing to really call my own. it ate at me, belittled me, abused me and spat on me almost every single day for almost 4 years…but i cant really blame that much on him because i let it happen….it took him going away before i could really realize what i mess my life had become, and take the steps to let him go…it wasnt easy but i did it and i’m starting to become whole again….
I’m getting my life back slowly but surely I’m starting to become better than the girl that everyone else thought that i am…some people can’t see it yet, but I can..and it’s giving me a peace that i never thought that i would have…that i never dreamed was possible. I’m getting my friends back, finding the things that truly makes me happy on my own, im writing again, im dancing again and i’m finding the love i never imagined….
the love where i don’t have to prove myself to him, i dont have to lie about ANYTHING….there’s no drama, no immaturity, no jealousy, and no pain. it took me 8 years to open my eyes to the possibilty of the two of us and now that i have a part of me feels sad that i took me soo long and that i put us both through so much…but a bigger part of me is glad that he’s in my life at this exact moment…because now i’ve grown and i’m finally ready to see what lies ahead for us…being able to finally love myself…in turn making me perfect to love him…
i’m excited to see what’s next for me….
